Immortal Insanity or Innocence 12 (END)

Immortal Insanity, or Innocence?
Chapter 12: Sense of Belonging
By Arceus. Conberma (Liyu Conberma)

---

In the tradition of fairy tales, this is where the “happily ever after” would go. After all, Benonic had been liberated and avenged, taken in by a family who grew more loving toward him every day, and had started down the road to healing. But in truth, life passed for him as quickly or slowly as it does for the average person. “Happily ever after” also implies an ending, and for the young hedgehog, things had barely begun.

Benonic adored his new baby brother, and little Kaze also saw him as his big brother. In spite of his unusual appearance, their bond was no different from any other brotherly love. The two of them could almost always be seen together, and even Mortesen trusted Benonic well enough to take care of Kaze while he and Athena dealt with affairs of state.

Kaze himself became attached to Benonic early on, utilizing his newly-discovered puppy-dog-eyes whenever other things such as lessons in signing or writing ought to have taken precedence.

It didn't take long to discover the prince had inherited his father's Wind abilities. One day when his big brother was particularly insistent that he could not play, Kaze threw a tantrum. A miniature tornado ripped through the room and Benonic did everything he could to calm him down before things could get worse. Although the king and queen were surprised and upset by this extraordinary display of magical strength so early, they couldn't help also feeling proud at the same time.

Until Kaze learnt to control his power, they had to be careful not to upset him for the most part. As much as he loved his little brother, Benonic knew he shouldn’t spoil the prince rotten. But his firm resolve was shattered when Kaze said his name for the first time. He was barely six months old when he called Benonic “Ben-ni”, which made the deformed hedgehog’s heart melt.

It was shortly after Kaze learned to crawl that his Royal gift made an appearance too. His protruding back quills would transform into a pair of wings at will and he'd fly about as though it was as natural to him as breathing. It took quite a lot of effort to teach the little prince to walk.

Athena was happy to see that her two sons, both adoptive and biological, got along very well. The brothers were inseparable. It was heartwarming to her whenever she would sneak into Benonic's room during naptime and see the purple hedgehog using his large, three-fingered hand as pillow for Kaze's head, his other curled protectively around the sleeping baby. And she hoped they would love their newest family member just as much as they loved one another.

Not quite two years after her son came into the world, Athena’s second child was due. Mortesen had missed Kaze’s birth, so he wanted to be there for his wife this time. And boy, did he need to go through better or worse…

Outside the room, Benonic, Kaze and Rakar could hear the shrieking from Athena when she was in the throes of labour pains. Kaze flinched at the sounds and Benonic tried his best to comfort him, but Rakar (seated a polite distance from them) didn’t show any expression at all; displaying more nonchalance than worry.

At first there had been nothing to upset the boys, but it had recently increased to a fever pitch. Reveka had warned that because Kaze's birth had been unnatural, this one would very likely be long and difficult. She was unfortunately correct. They heard yelling and shouting from Athena and the occasional pained grunt from Mortesen. Little Kaze clung tightly to Benonic’s arms.

“Is Mama going to okay, Big Brother?” he meekly asked, almost at the verge of tears. “Maybe...will my wings help her?”

The prince was referring to the way his wings could heal any wound they touched.

“This is a different kind of pain,” Benonic signed, remembering what Athena had told him beforehand. “It doesn't need to be taken away.”

He stroked Kaze’s head in reassurance and the blue hedgehog leaned closer to him. Truth be told, Benonic was just as worried, but he had to put on a brave face for his little brother's sake.

As things grew even more intense behind the closed door, every once in a while they heard some angry phrases from Athena blaming Mortesen. The two brothers were surprised at the occasional snicker from their uncle as he considered the king's current misery.

After what seemed hours, but was in reality only a few minutes, a clear baby's wail was heard.

The three exchanged a glance, and even Rakar was a little curious about his niece or nephew. A few tense minutes later their question was answered as Mortesen opened the door, an excited and proud smile on his face. They also noticed one of his hands sagged limply against his side, evidence that Athena had been gripping it during the birth. Knowing how strong she was, Benonic was surprised the king's hand was only flattened rather than broken.

“Come on, boys. Time to meet your new baby brother,” Mortesen invited, holding the door wide. Then he added to Rakar, “And your nephew, too, Brother.”

The trio entered the room and saw an exhausted Athena cuddling a blanketed baby in her arms, eyes completely focused on him until she saw the others gather at her bedside. While Reveka went out to get the cradle, Athena introduced their new family member to them. His colouring was almost exactly like Mortesen's.

“Benonic, Kaze, this is your baby brother, Darren.”

“Darren Garrik Hedgehog,” Mortesen announced, making Athena’s smile brighten a little more at the middle name because it was her father’s. He leaned forward, one arm sliding around her shoulders as he kissed her cheek.

While Rakar congratulated Mortesen on another newborn heir and Benonic thanked Athena for another brother to love and protect, Kaze stood there silently. He couldn't stop staring at little Darren, but mostly the bump on his forehead. Curiosity filled his mind as he was tempted to poke the bump with his finger, but no sooner had he touched it than he gave a startled noise. It had twitched and a slit opened in the centre.

“He has another eye!” Kaze exclaimed, causing everyone to look down in surprise.

It was true. The little bump on Darren’s forehead started to open, revealing an extra eye that blinked several times to get it moist and scanned the room before its pupil went still. The new discovery was slightly shocking, but Rakar felt as though he'd just witnessed something repulsive rather than fascinating.

“Interesting. He has the 'Third Eye'. The last one who possessed it was our great-grandfather,” Rakar recalled from the Cosium Royal family tree.

“He still looks perfect and handsome as he is—just like his father,” Athena remarked, earning a faint, embarrassed blush from Mortesen. Then she looked at her two-year-old and chided, “Kaze, stop poking your baby brother!”

Benonic pried Kaze’s curious finger away from Darren’s face, who was starting to squirm a little in discomfort from the constant prodding. But then the little baby started crying from hunger.

That was when Athena urged everyone out of her room so she could breastfeed her newborn (“Unless you want to stay and watch,” she added—which emptied the room fairly quickly). In the hallway, Rakar congratulated Mortesen once more, then made an excuse about it being late and still needing to do something in the library.

They entered the chamber across from the Royal suite, which was Benonic’s. Since Kaze insisted on sleeping in the same room as his big brother, a small bed had been moved in for him. Mortesen tucked Kaze in and gave him a peck on the forehead, then bid Benonic a goodnight before closing the door.

Once the coast was clear, Kaze jumped out of the bed and climbed into Benonic’s. He nestled into his arms, which he usually did whenever he got scared or was simply in the mood for snuggling, and it wasn't long before he entered the beginnings of sleep. His earliest memories of Benonic were of being held in those strange arms and feeling so safe; it was something about his big brother that he loved without any logical explanation.

Benonic looked down at the peacefully sleeping hedgehog in his arms. Before he let pupils sink into darkness and his mind be empty, he mentally looked forward to another brighter tomorrow.

---

It was shortly after Darren turned one that Reveka took sick. No one thought much about it until two of her daughters, who were also castle servants, started taking over her duties. Almost three weeks passed, then a message came, saying Reveka was fading fast and wished to see the Royal family one last time.

They abandoned everything and went to the house in Cosium Town belonging to the raccoon. The two-story home swarmed with children of all ages, the majority of them sad except for the youngest ones who didn't understand the situation. Their parents were all gathered around Reveka's bed upstairs, singing their mother's favourite songs. An elderly brown raccoon sat by her side, stroking his wife's hand as she listened with eyes closed.

When Mortesen entered the room, the current song tapered off as all the raccoons dropped into bows and curtsies, mostly shocked that the king was there. Reveka looked up and her smile widened, beckoning him and his family forward with a shaking hand.

“I had hoped you wouldn't be too busy—” she wheezed out before being overwhelmed by a storm of coughing that left her breathless.

Athena rushed over, Darren in her arms, and knelt beside the bed. “Reveka, I can't think of anything more important that being with you at this time.”

“I'm glad,” she whispered back. “I would like to speak with all of you before the end.”

Without a word, Reveka's family filed out of the room, leaving the Royal couple, their children, and Rakar alone with her.

“My two eldest daughters are both well-trained. My position can go to either one, and I'm confident you will be satisfied, Your Majesty,” she said in a low voice, speaking carefully to avoid another coughing attack. “Your mother raised me to that station. I've always been grateful...”

Between spaces where she had to lie back and breathe deeply, Reveka managed to say a few words to each of them, even Rakar. The dark brown hedgehog fidgeted as she told him how she could see so much of his father's demeanor in him.

“I...I have to go. But thank you. If it weren't for you, I would be blind in one eye. Thank you.”

He rushed out as though uncomfortable and the green raccoon sighed. “Poor boy. Death scares him so much that he is bound to get into trouble trying to avoid it. ...Benonic, perhaps you can take the boys downstairs to play. I'm sure they would have fun with my grandchildren.”

Once the door shut behind them, Reveka gestured for the king and queen to come closer.

“Mortesen...Athena...” she started in a serious tone. “I have kept this to myself because I didn't see the point in alarming either of you. Benonic is about thirteen or fourteen now, isn't he?”

Athena nodded, her throat too tight to say much.

“As far as I can tell, he hasn't grown since the first year you took him in. I've watched my grandchildren change during those years, but Benonic has only filled out...not matured.”

The Royal couple exchanged looks and the queen leaned forward. “Are you really so certain? Maybe his growth was just stunted by his treatment as a child.”

“That was my hope too, but as desperately as I wish to be wrong about this, I fear I am not.” Reveka reached for their hands. “There are already so many things that set him apart from others, and I've seen the pain of it in his eyes countless times. Once he is old enough to recognise and understand what this means, he will need your support.”

Mortesen's shoulders sagged and he stumbled over something to say. “I don't know if...if we can even offer him the help he needs. Whether Benonic is...immortal or simply ages without showing it, how can we possibly know what would comfort him?”

“Don't worry,” she said, giving a wry chuckle. “You will know when the time comes. I only want you to be prepared. But I wouldn't mind seeing him alone for a few minutes. There are some things I've always wanted to say to him and this is my last chance. Please...call him?”

Athena and Mortesen left, and shortly afterward the light purple hedgehog came in. His step was light and tentative, as though he was afraid of disturbing her.

“Closer, Benonic,” she said with a smile, patting the bed as an invitation for him to sit down. “I can't see much anymore.”

He stepped over and sat on the covers, swallowing nervously to see her so thin and weak. When he started to sign, she took his hands in a soft grip.

“I'm so sorry, but I can't remember any sign language. I asked you here so that I could speak to you. I know you understand dying, but I don't believe you understand death. I'm going on a journey soon, maybe even this evening. I've prepared for it my whole life—over seventy years—and now I'm ready. We won't see each other for a long time, but I'll always be near.”

The old raccoon closed her eyes, breathing shallow now. After a minute she continued,

“It's so hard to see how people and events affect our lives sometimes. We're too close for the pattern to be clear. If those cruel people hadn't taken you, I very much doubt you would have come to Cosium. If you hadn't killed them, Athena would not have gotten involved and you'd never have met her. If she hadn't brought you to the castle, Noire would have killed her and Darren never would have existed.” She stroked his fingers with grandmotherly tenderness. “You see? A fine, silver thread has woven through your life, leading you here. Some of the choices were yours and some were not, but you made it past tragedy and trial. Benonic, you deserve a little happiness. Don't ever doubt that.”

He wouldn't have known what to say even if she could understand him. She had always been so kind, from that first night when she saw him in Athena's room.

“Let me see your face again. One last time... I want to see you.”

There was no way to refuse even though he wanted to. His mask slid off, revealing the fangs that made him look like a monster, as Semira had always said.

But Reveka's clouded eyes seemed to clear and she stretched forward, placing her palms against his cheeks in something almost like wonder. On her deathbed she could see the truth underneath his skin.

“Oh! Oh, my dear! Is this really you? Such a handsome boy...”

Benonic found the world distorted through a haze of tears. Unable to blink or even wipe them off, he could do nothing but let them spill down his cheeks to soak the green fur of Reveka's hands. Gently, she pulled him down until his face rested against her chest.

“It's alright to cry. I love you too, little one. I will miss you very much until we are reunited.”

“...Vek-ka...” he whispered, ignoring the sting as teeth cut into his lower lip.

The adults came back when Reveka began suffering another coughing fit, and Athena suggested that Benonic go keep an eye on his brothers. He obeyed silently, understanding that she wanted to shield him from the end.

All afternoon he played with the children to keep them—and himself—distracted from what was happening upstairs. The sun was a hand's width from the horizon and all the younger children were outside playing marbles or something very like hopscotch. Benonic had been showing Kaze how to flick the marble (and trying to keep Darren from swallowing any) when his attention was drawn to a figure in the doorway of Reveka's house.

He shot to his feet and stared at a woman robed entirely in black. …She stared up at the house, holding a huge hourglass in one hand as the sand trickled down through it. When the last grain of sand fell, the hourglass disappeared in a puff of smoke. The dark figure entered the building as if she were a ghost, and a few moments later she stepped outside with Reveka herself.

The green raccoon no longer looked haggard, and she gazed about at her family with eyes that brimmed with happy tears. She clutched the dark figure's hand as though afraid to let go.

Benonic started forward, but was repelled almost immediately by a feeling beyond anything he'd ever experienced around Rakar. Though her face was shadowed by the hood of her cloak and a filmy black veil, he could clearly see crimson eyes as they swept toward him. He detected surprise through the wave of sensations that tried to keep him away.

“Hello again,” came a soft, motherly voice from the black cowl.

He stared, knowing that voice and yet being unable to remember where he'd heard it. The feeling of revulsion diminished until it was replaced by a sense of reassurance and...peace?

“You did not see me when you took the lives of your captors, so I did not expect you to have any sight of Death at all.”

Death...?

Benonic briefly glanced around, realising none of the childen had noticed their grandmother or the stranger. A few eyed him curiously, but then went back to their games. When he looked back, the hedgehog jerked a bit as he noticed the age lines in Reveka's face were gone.

“You must love this child dearly if you are able to see us now.”

It took a moment for him to realize the faceless woman was referring to Reveka as a child. But he could see she was indeed growing younger. She'd never been very tall, but he could tell she was losing height. Death turned to her.

“Reveka, you asked to see your grandchildren. I have allowed you to do so. It is time to go home. The rest of your family is waiting.”

She smiled, only appearing a little older than Benonic now, and looked up at Death with wide brown eyes that had no fear. He made a disturbed sound deep in his throat and reached forward with some half-formed thought of stopping her, but Reveka leaned back against the stranger.

Death wrapped one thin arm protectively around the raccoon. “Please understand, Benonic. It is to a far better place I am taking her than this world can ever be. There is much yet for you to do here before you can join her...and I daresay you will find reasons to keep living soon enough. I suspect I will see you many times before your end.”

Death's crimson eyes looked down at him with a level of compassion he had never seen even in Athena...and he found himself comforted rather than afraid. The two began to fade as the evening shadows grew deeper and Reveka gave a little girlish skip toward him.

“Benonic, no matter how lonely you feel, you're never alone,” she called in a child's voice. “I promise!”

And then they were gone...

The grief of losing Reveka followed him for months. Her last words to him helped ease some of the pain, but she was still gone and he missed her presence.

Athena did what she could to be a source of comfort, even sharing the sad story of her own parents' deaths and how much she continued to miss them though it had been years. She always assured him it was alright to mourn.

But after having taken so many lives himself, to see this one person cross the barrier between life and death affected him more than he would ever admit.

---

Another year went by like wind blowing. Benonic's pain had dulled to an ache that hurt whenever there was a reminder of his friend, but the joy of being part of a family that loved him managed to smooth away the jagged edges. Summer had just barely begun on the day he learned to what lengths they would go to prove their devotion to him.

Alexei was finishing up his daily training session with him and gave a rare smile when Benonic beat him for the eighth time. He'd long ago lost track of his string of victories against the skunk.

“Impressive. I think you're ready.”

“Ready for what?”

But Alexei gave him a mysterious look and only said, “Ready to advance.”

Suddenly two small pairs of hands began to tug on his arms. Benonic looked down at his brothers' eager faces as they yanked on him.

"Ben, Ben!" Darren clamored in his squeaky two-year-old voice, using the nickname he'd given Benonic.

"Come on! We want to show you something," Kaze added, pulling even harder.

"You'd better go with them," Alexei said, not bothering to hide his amused smile. "I doubt you'll have any peace until you do."

Nearly always in the mood to humour his bothers, Benonic allowed himself to be led into the castle. The two princes exchanged a conspiratorial glance and giggled, stopping in front of the thick set of double doors to the throne room.

"The surprise is in here!" Kaze grinned.

Suspecting nothing more than a practical joke of some kind, Benonic pushed open one of the doors—only to find himself faced with two rows of captains in full uniform and the generals lined up behind them. There were also plenty of servants, but they stood a little ways back as though just there to observe.

He tried to dart back into the hall, but found Alexei blocking his escape.

"You can't leave during your own ceremony, Benonic," the skunk chided, guiding him forward along the avenue of Cosium's highest-ranking soldiers.

Kaze and Darren trailed behind, looking quite satisfied with their job to get him there without dropping any hints. All of this made Benonic even more uneasy and confused. He could see Mortesen and Athena seated on their thrones at the raised dais.

"What is this?" he wondered, but his mother only smiled and placed her hands on the cloth bundle in her lap.

Mortesen stood as he approached, looking formal but also friendly. “It has been three generations since this ceremony has taken place in Cosium Castle. Alexei Stripeback, Captain of the Guard, attests that you meet all requirements of this station."

"I do so readily," Alexei agreed.

"And I have no objections, therefore I ask you to kneel, Benonic," the king said, drawing his sword with one hand and taking up his scepter in the other.

Still baffled by the proceedings, he lowered himself to one knee and bowed his head so that all he could see was the carpet. Cold steel touched his right shoulder, then the left. There was the glinting sound of metal on metal as Mortesen crossed his blade and the scepter directly above Benonic's head. A moment later he set them aside and pulled the young hedgehog back to his feet.

A rhythmic clatter came from behind as all the captains and generals rapped the flats of their blades against the armour on their forearms. It was a salute only reserved for the promotion of a general, or so Alexei had told him some time ago. The sound repeated in near-perfect unison about ten times and then silence fell over the gathering.

Athena rose from her throne and stepped down to him, unwrapping the bundle. It turned out to be a white outfit with a lightning bolt emblazoned on the chest and a belt with two sheathed daggers. He accepted them automatically, stunned and not knowing what else to do. Gently the blue hedgehog turned him around to face the soldiers and servants who had gathered for this occasion. Mortesen spoke in a weighty tone that carried around the room.

"For the first time in fifty years our kingdom has a Protector-Assassin of the Royal family. I name you Benonic, Assassin of Cosium."

Applause was the last thing he expected, especially from people he saw constantly but didn't know. The generous smiles that shone from their faces were almost unreal to him.

The next few minutes passed in a blur he could never quite remember, but eventually he found himself in his own room. Athena stood by his bed, proudly lying out the new clothes and a pair of gloves while Kaze and Darren tried to play with the daggers that now belonged to their older brother. The queen smacked their hands, saying they were too careless to handle them.

"Am not!" Kaze hotly protested. "Ben lets me use his knife all the time and Captain Alexei is training me already!"

"Maybe so, but these are special." She drew and held them out to Benonic in one smooth movement that said she knew precisely how to handle such weapons.

He stepped closer, surprised at the colours of the blades. Both had a crystalline sheen, but one was red and the other green, and they were each a slightly different style of dagger. Benonic could see symbols etched into their hilts and wondered what sort of spell had been placed on them.

"Assassins have always been famous for having very unique weapons. When we commissioned them, I chose the ruby and Mortesen chose the emerald. And this," she said, pointing to the white outfit on his bed, "is the traditional garb of the Protector-Assassins of Cosium. I think the first ones were Lightning-wielders, but retained the symbol later when new Assassins were introduced."

He could see the pride and excitement radiating from Athena, but he couldn't make himself feel the same way. It made no sense. None of it.

He set the daggers down and looked straight at her. "Why?"

Her smile faded slightly. "I suppose it was a rather sneaky thing to do, but we wanted both to surprise you and show the kingdom that the Royal family places its full trust in you."

"So it was political." He nodded, somewhat satisfied with that answer. "Clever. I'll be able to go practically anywhere within Cosium now."

Athena's sudden grip on his arm made Benonic flinch and he was shocked at the anger in her eyes.

"Don't you dare think for one second this was all an act! Yes, we want you to be able to travel freely within the kingdom and be accepted for who you are, but we chose to make you an Assassin because you deserve it—not because you need a stupid title to impress anyone! Alexei never would have vouched for you if he didn't feel you were fully capable of fulfilling this role. It's a responsibility you must take seriously. Don't cheapen it by acting as though it meant nothing."

Benonic didn't reply. He was too overwhelmed. His mother could see the shy gratitude in his gaze and embraced him. His arms wrapped around her too. The two boys joined in, not understanding why but happy to be part of it all the same.

---

With this rise in rank, Benonic found a warmer attitude directed towards him from certain circles. The general Coizard was surprised and awed by his appearance, but those in the castle and some places in Cosium Town began to greet him with the beginnings of friendliness. It took time to get used to this before he could bring himself to greet them back. Having been very sensitive about physical contact for years, he naturally declined to shake anyone's hand...with the exception of those who had earned his respect.

His skills were put to the test by soldiers who wanted to see how talented this new Assassin really was. It didn't happen often, but if one challenged him and won, he would offer a handshake. It became a coveted mark of honour within a surprisingly short amount of time. Those without warrior training could also earn his hand, but only by proving their loyalty to the Royal family.

For the longest time the surrealism of his new life followed him like a second shadow. Raised to expect nothing more than misery and torment, Benonic had difficultly coming to grips with this sudden change, scared that ultimately it was all one cruel joke.

Part of his understanding came with Reveka's death. It tempered the joy, reminding him that inner pain could be as real as the tortures that left him scarred. That, more than anything, convinced him he couldn't be dreaming.

So he truly treasured the time with his family, knowing that losing any piece of it was as easy as drawing a knife. Therefore he held onto those moments, chief among them the bright ruby eyes of his adoptive mother, arms stretched out towards him as she called, "Welcome home, Benonic!"

Home. Yes, he had a home.

---

The End….for now